December 26, 1997

a couple days ago i stayed at my grandma's house for a night. i used to live there before i moved to my parents' house right after i graduate high school.
there is too many dark and never-used-rooms, including the library (it was my favorite part of the house by the way). i remember i got lost once and locked up by myself in nowehere's room when i was just a little girl. it made me bursted out of tears, but there'd be no ears able to hear my loudest scream and nobody would even realise i was gone. i had my first sighting experience in this old house. well it's preety classic and i bet it's haunted as well hehehehe. oh such a memory. this house holds so much memories, keeping family secrets tight through generations. atta unsar thu in himinam weihnai namo thein qimai thiudinassus theins warthai wilija theins swe in himina jah ana airthai hlaif unsarana thana sinteinan gif uns himma daga jah aflet uns thatei skulans sijaima swaswe jah weis afletam thaim skulam unsaraim jah ni briggais uns in fraistubnjai ak lausei uns of thamma ubilin unte theina ist thiudangardi jah mahts jah wuithus in aiwins. surprisingly, i found my old diary inside of a shoebox in that library, i remember i've wrote thirteen of them between uhh 1994-1998. each of every books represent the processes of diverse mind-settings in my pre-adolescent hueheuhe. there's only one book left in the shoebox though, it's written Books Forever, September 1997 in the front tittle. it's the most peculiar flashback to read the diary i've wrote when i was 14 hahahah. most of the writing i found in Books forever is about how i questioned God and the holly bible, typical teenager thoughts for i was only between 13 or 14. well, in that odd-sarcastic diary, it clearly shows i was still in the likeness of jew, buddha, catholic orthodox, passionately studied any kinds of religion/culture/spells/occult including wicca and gothics. every writings, every lyrics, poems, even love-letters i wrote in that book are dark and bleeding. i forgot how bitter i am at that time. anyone can tell by the writing that i was very much angry to the world's hideous plot. hmphh..thank goodness i've past those times. rough times being a fighter and solo. oh i have landed from spacetown war with my funky spaceship and gather to join with you all human race. now i can just sit down, lay back, and relax! aaahh..life is warm. hello, colour tv+better couch+vinyl+potato chips+Qmagz+corona! munchy munchy! tee-hee!


just one of those odd writings :

I met her in the park, last long winter. She was sitting in the middle of dancing autumn leaves. She looked at me. I looked at her and smile. So sad eyes, that pale beautiful woman had. I shivered but try to reach her. I need to brush her long-brunette curly hair with my own hands. But she didn't care, she was too busy of being quietly still.. with narrowed view over the pigeons, spread their wings and died. they spread their wings and died.
Silence were everywhere. Time was slowing by.. tick-tack. I watched her in every gesture.. tick..tack. Then i felt my own gesture, as my eyes were slowly closed. Darkness never causes the light. The pale beautiful woman turned at me, and gave me the pittiest smile. I looked down, and i saw her pale frosted finger wearing an orange ring. I closed my eyes so she can be me for nine seconds
It was not easy at all to sing christmas carol in that cold. Read the bible. Having yuletide for two. Banshee. Gave her a bless.. i started to raise a tone in my lala. She reacted only by lifting her right leg, showed me the contradiction between her pale-pale long legs and her dark-dark synthetic boots. somehow remind me to the one i care..
She turned and looked at me in the cloudiest sudden. I spoke. "What is precious, miss gorgeous ?" She narrowed back to the falling pigeons. "The stars, the breeze, the blueberry pie..." Her teardrops smile in a gloomy way. Nothing is rainbow.
"Any favorite tune ?"
" Yes. The heavy rain with thunder that follows."
She smiled a little bit more. Cry a little bit strange
I hugged her. I said to her i'm willing to heal her pain
But she was barely moved. Not once. She was too busy of being quietly still. She turned and said to me, "It's all too late for me. I am sixteen months late to the ballroom. What took you so long, hope?"
She was there but already gone. A lost, pale, and frightened Jamima. She was never ready yet, she was so beautiful..
"A preety mercy, purple nails. Why i no longer have colours on my lips? Why is there blood? That kills my dog. That wets my sister's heart. "
She still barely moved
I let go my frosty hands from the old cloth wrapped her skinny bones
There was nothing but silence. There goes nirvana, chances, the holly light
"Jesus was borned yesterday to be told, i am sorry.. you should have not died the next day.”
Then i just left and ended it, on a cold December 26.


the above writing has been through words’ editing due to the convenience of all readers. it's for your reading only. it's for your reading only. it's for your reading only. *repeating*